This one's for you, 'Oh, Conversator of the Classroom.'

So there's this girl.
(a female.)

Her name is Lauren.
( she sits on the other side of my class.)

She shits, she eats, she plays, she studies.
(i don't think she fucks; she looks too fucking boring.)

And she talks.
( wow, is that an understatement.)

A lot.
(......much better)

So much in fact, it drives me to the point of chewing broken glass and drinking battery acid. (which is unpleasant, but effective.)

Let me back up for second.
(a long second....)

We all meet these type of people at one point in time. There's not much you can do to avoid them especially if they're employed with you at work or enrolled in one of your classes. Some interesting attributes with these folks are:

• They have been there and done that, way before you even thought of it.

• They speak for the sake of speak and will undermine all of your efforts in trying to add your two measly cents to the conversation at hand.

• When a topic is discussed and said topic is set open for discussion the individual will most likely offer their real world perspective without offering much insight leaving everyone feeling stupid.

• They insinuate something while claiming not to insinuate something. For example they will say: "...I don't mean to be like,.....but you know what I mean, like....Like, I've always....but never have I...." and their words trail off into nothing----Leaving the mediator or facilitator of the discussion finishing the sentence with "...and that's an interesting point...." while trying not to get lost in the stupidity of it all and attempting to get the discussion back on track from where it came.

• They are attention starved and fill this void in their life with any means of garnering more attention to their existence with sometimes ill prosed and irrational thought.

I could go on but I'll stop there because I have already identified this person in your life or you may even identify with the type of person I speak of. So what can you do to ward off these annoyances? Ignoring them you will only succeed in irritability on your part to yourself in an attempt to tune them out. Changing the subject is certain death; you will try to escape the gravity of their stupidity but will only intensify the situation even further because they have every answer ready for you. Solution?

1. Identify the person.
   
2. Ask no questions.
3. If a question is asked or directed at a group, give them no time to respond.
4. Defecate in your pants.
5. Do what I call the 'one-up' (turn your phone's volume setting on in your pocket, act like you're answering it, throw your index finger up in their face and leave.)
6. If in a classroom environment, call them out. And say you really disagree with them, and tell them what they're talking about is quite irrelevant, not to mention stupid. I've done this once, and no one bothered me. And the annoying 'bat' shut up the rest of the semester.

So back to Lauren.

Lauren has always had something to say. It astounds me how much she knows about......anything. Anytime the prof has opened the class up for discussion, or brought up some current topic, or asked "...has anyone ever....."

And the rest of us are utterly powerless to defend against her (literally) 3minute speech about how difficult her life is and how she is able to juggle school, nursing school, work, internships, skin flute lessons, and sleep. It amazes me that she never catches herself and says:

We may never know.